Jakarta Undercover is a steaming pile of shit.

Frankly, I'm sick of movies that tries to be edgy in everything. Just recently I went to a screening of this movie, and the first scene was set in a transvestite bar - complete with trans gender dancers, all in their silicon-ised glory. Then there was this 3 guys that drooled over one of the dancers. They asked for a session of coitus, but the dancer (Luna Maya) refused. Dancer stormed out. Another dancer walked in. He got fucked. By 3 guys. Through the ass. Ouch. But hey, he should be used to it by now, right? I guess not, because he died.

That's right. He was killed through over-screwing (if that's a new word that I just invented, then kudos to me) by three rich guys who are all gay. And oh, he's a transvestite with a pair of boobs larger than .. I don't know, most girls. These three guys are so gay, they decided not to kill every witness on sight. Instead, they skulked around, thinking what to do, what to do, oh what to do, caressing each other and fondling, and fondling. Gays.

They should have blow up the damn place. At least then I don't have to watch this little piece of shit. Saves us all the money, eh?

And what's the deal with the witness? He's just a friggin' little boy. And he's mentally challenged. Now, what are the odds that he will tell anyone? And if he does, wouldn't people not take him seriously? He's so annoying anyway. And dumb. He wouldn't open the car door until Luna Maya threatened to break the window using a sign pole. What a deuce.

There's so much deuce-ness in this movie. Like the part where Luna Maya runs away from the bad, bad guys; She took a taxi for almost ten minutes screen time, at which this time I was started to get annoyed by the fact that the taxi driver hasn't asked a single question. And the taxi driver just saw a killing (the uber-transvestite, I don't know his name, but holy crap, he actually looks more like a girl than Luna Maya herself). The bad guys are weak and so shallow, I dont think anyone cares if they live or die or get rolled over by a truck. Did I mention that they were homosexual predators?

I don't know why you should watch this movie. Indonesians should love this movie though, because I know we love two things: Transvestites and shallow, pointless jokes about trivial Jakartan cultures. Nice going, dumbass. Instead of trying to make a meaningful story, you over-saturated it with things that we see every single day in the streets of Jakarta. But you hit the spot with the transvestites. We love transvestites. And midgets. And ghosts.

You know, I read the book and I was hoping for a scene set in that Japanese bar with the sashimi girls. The closest thing to a heterosexual reference here is the part where Luna Maya takes off her shirt and reveals the goodness that is of Luna Maya in a black bra. Score!

I could only recommend the movie for that scene only. Which is only about 90 seconds long. So make sure to come on time; say, about the 40 minutes mark into the movie.

Why am I so against the movie? First things first, I am not against this movie. I do not have anything against queers. I love gays. I love their culture, and I love their sense of fashion. I just don't understand the concept of 'edginess' portrayed in this film. I don't understand this movie either, but that's beside the point. My point was, the progression of edginess should naturally be:

Standard romance movie (with a kiss in the end) --> Edgy romantic comedy (with a sex scene somewhere in the movie, implied or showed) --> Very edgy romantic comedy --> Romance movie with homosexuals --> Edgy, violent, homosexually-saturated action/drama/comedy/blahness (this movie).

See how we skipped more than one step in the progression? Great job, dumbass. How about making a bestiality movie next time?

Putra