I was reading some of my entries from last week and noticed that they are all pretty.. bad. I was so out of it by this time last week. So this is Tuesday.. and last Tuesday I was.. getting home from a site visit to Hi-Fi Bar, and trying to sort out some shit with the equipments for Jazz Nite. I got home, remembered that I had a couple of assignments to do.. I ditched that, said to myself: "I can't do this, I can't do this", went to the fridge, got myself a Carlton. Two Carltons. Three Carltons. I think I drunk-MSN'd someone that night. Can't remember.

Wednesday was pretty much the same.

Thursday also.

Friday.. I can't remember Friday. Oh, I went to the pub Friday night.

Saturday, was sober the whole day. Spent the day half-sleep-walking though. It was bad. I went to the studio to see the bands that were going to play on Jazz Nite. There was this couch. I sat on that, and I almost passed out. Watched footy that night. Drank some more.

More sleep deprivation.

Woke up Sunday morning with a terrible headache. Went on this geology field trip. Was so out of it for the whole day. Granites. Andesites. Fucking Cordiorites and Garnets. Got back to Melbourne at 6.02 PM. Arrived at home at 6.08 PM. Felt like hell. My mobile was ringing every 2 minutes. I was ready to scream at the next person that tries to call me.

Changed clothes, grabbed a decent-looking shirt, took the first tram I saw. Went to the city.

The tram stops at Bourke St. Walked to Hi-Fi Bar. My mind was heavy. I thought to myself: "I better get some sleep or I'm going to pass out soon". Went inside. Everyone said hi. They asked: "How was your field trip?". I couldn't tell if they were all being sarcastic. I was ready to lash out at the next person I see. Then the first band appeared on stage. They were late by about 20 minutes. Some people in the audience were asking for their money back. Things weren't going well. I went to the bar, and grabbed a Heineken. For 8 bucks. They overcharge on everything. Including my dignity.

I slipped into an alcohol-fueled bliss.

I walked around. Nothing really caught my attention. The girls, they all look the same in their dress and makeup. My eyes were on the bottle, waiting to see if it ever runs out. Then the band stopped playing, and I've run out.

About an hour later, I was completely sober.

Bad decision. Should've drank more. Suddenly everything seemed so bleak. Please carry me to a bed, I said. I was watching the final act from the side of the stage. I was taking photos. And before I know it, it was all over. Orjazzmic is over. I went to sit at the artist's lounge. My mind was set on taking a quick nap before we start packing up.

Then I snapped. The one moment I've been dreading for the whole day. My mind snapped. If a person's mind is like a knit of string, well.. mine was loose. And every now and then, the world tugs at it, waiting for it to break. And mine broke. I snapped. I yelled at this girl. It was that frustration, building up over 3 weeks of distress

I didn't have a weekend for three weeks. I had 20 straight days of uni. Not one day was I able to kick back and relax. I was frustrated. My personal, relationship, financial and uni problems were building up.. It wasn't all bad, it's just a constant stream of shit grinding against my face that's bothering me. It was frustrating, I was ready to break..

.. and I just burst. I have never done that before in my entire life. Ever.

It was the climax; it was the climax of that fucked-up week. It was low. It was incredibly low. The most fucked up I've ever felt in a while. Now people are starting to talk about this.

And I now have the reputation of being Melbourne's number one asshole. And an alcoholic. That is a very attractive combination. Any takers, anyone anyone?