"You maniacs! You blew it up!"

Watching the Planet of the Apes (2001) remake is a chore. It's excruciating. The dialogs, the "WTF?!" moments and that ridiculous kiss between a man and a monkey (Mark Wahlberg and an ape. Ooohhhhh bestiality!).. Oh God, it's too painful to watch. The only thing that kept me going was the insanely good makeup and costumes.. and of course, my anticipation to watch the film's twist ending. So the lead character ends up back on Earth, but it turns out that this version of Earth is populated by apes. Dirty, stinking apes. No more humans. They're all gone. Apes rule the Earth.

OHHHHH plot twist. There you go, I spoiled the ending, don't watch the movie.

So anyway, I found the ending for the 1960s version of the original Apes movie (the good one) in Youtube. There's nothing that you can't find there, except for porn. They have porntube for that.

Oh God.. I'm back. I'm home..All the time, it was..
We finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God..damn you all to hell!!

Classic.

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Lashing out at Uwe Boll and his movies is good for your health. Sort of.

I fucking hate lethargy. I'm still suffering from sleep-debts that I've accumulated over the last few days. I can't watch tv without spacing out. It's almost as bad as going to a boring lecture on a Friday afternoon. Basically I've been drifting in and out of being asleep and half awake since this morning. No, I'm not functioning very well today.

I blame this on my LAN + Youtube session that I had last night/this morning.

I don't know if you know who Uwe Boll is. He's a movie director from Germany. Boll likes to make movie-adaptations of video games. Good video games? Not all, but some. Does Uwe Boll make good movies? No. I watched the last 20 minutes of Bloodrayne, one of his video-game-to-movie-crap. By the end of it, I was ready to hurl myself at the tv. If I ever had to destroy my friend's Foxtel device, blame it on The Great Boll.

So last night I saw trailers for a couple of Boll's movies.



This one is from a movie called Postal. Based on a (shit) video game. It actually looks reasonably funny. I guess it could make me laugh when I watch it. Sort of. Maybe Boll has found his film-making niche. Who knows.

Standing in contrast is the trailer to a movie called Dungeon Siege. Again, based on a game. I like the game. I like Dungeon Siege. I don't see why this douchebag has to ruin it by making such a shit movie out of it. But hey, who knows, right? Meh. Just go watch the trailer, and wait for these (shitty) lines uttered by the ill-casted characters:
"Burn it. To the. Greound"
"I am, your Keinnng!!"
In The Name of The King: Dungeon Siege has Burt Reynolds in it. So what? Shoot, I bet if you cast Eric Bana in it, the movie will still suck. "In the Name of The King", eh? See, even the title blows.

You know what happens when somebody writes a negative-review of a Boll movie? The Bollmeister himself challenged the reviewer to a one on one boxing match. I kid you not. Here, watch this. See that bald guy? That's the Boll. Hmm. I can sort of see this happening to me. Getting pwned by the Boll and all.

What a deuche. But he's a necessary evil in an otherwise pseudo-witty pretentious-movies-saturated scene. Read: Half Nelson / any other movies playing at an Arthouse cinema in Melbourne. Hmm.

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Spiderman 3

Halright. I just got back from Hoyts. Went to watch Spiderman 3, courtesy of Blackcurtain, who did a fantastic job organising the 'secret' screening. Ok, maybe it wasn't that 'secret' at all. There were so many people lining up for the movie, I think only half of us made it inside. I got a great seat near the middle, just beside the aisle, and I didn't have to lift my chin to see clearly. I was hungry though; they should sell snacks and drinks before the movie starts. I think they do that at Village Cinemas.

The movie itself wasn't that bad. Although there were some cheesy moments that made me cringe. And the dialogues are par to the first two movies. Plot-wise, everything seems to be done in such a way that the story comes to a full circle in the end so you wouldn't have to ask any more questions. Meaning, deus ex machina resolution for some characters, or in Indonesian: "Terlalu dipaksain". I like the characters. I like how they're so simple that you can immediately understand them, and thus understand where the story is going. But most of the time it does this too well, and for some of us it means having to watch one too-predictable movie.

But all that aside, I enjoyed watching the movie. I can't wait for the dvd to come out, because I would want to watch this on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Why should you go to the movies and spend 12 bucks on this? Well, for the girls, Toby Maguire and Topher Grace. For the guys, Kirsten Dunst, Venom (badass villain) and Sandman (huge; as in, epic-huge).

It's a good movie to watch on a Friday/Saturday evening; It's easy on the eyes, the ears and the brain, and it has just the right amount of cheesy-ness. (I don't know if that's even a word)

Some scenes are actually quite funny. The movie pokes fun at the subject of 'emo' haircut. Funny thing is, most of the people in the theatre were 'emo' (Blackcurtain advertises through myspace, so no surprises there). It adds to the humour, and yes, I did laugh my ass off.

As usual, if you don't feel like going to the theatre to watch Spiderman 3 and if you have a good internet connection, surf here. Enjoy.

EDIT:
(It's 2.38 am btw) I was reading the wiki article on Spiderman 2, and I just realized how cheesy Spiderman 3 was. I mean, seriously, I couldn't find any redeeming factor in this movie that would make it better than the first and the second one.

It's an ok movie, and it could be considered great for a superhero movie., but Spiderman 3 dissapoints me. I don't know if it's the early morning gloom that's affecting my judgement, or is it because of the amount of action and gags that made me overlook other aspects of the movie?

I'm not sure. I think I have to watch the movie again just to be sure where I stand here.

Putra

Playlist: I left my iPod at home today, but right now I'm listening to Megadeth and Circa Survive.

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